Beau Choix

Breastmilk: The Movie

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Last night was the much anticipated Washington DC premiere of Breastmilk: The Movie from first time director/producer Dana Ben-Ari and executive producers Ricki Lake & Abby Epstein hosted by Claudia Booker – Birthing Hands of DC.

Claudia introduced the film as a cautionary tale inviting us to think as we watch, not just about breastmilk, but about the support around breastfeeding mothers. She said that we need to bring in our partners, our men as vanguards to breastfeeding because it takes a family to raise a baby no matter what that family looks like. Yes, we need to surround ourselves with the women in our life, but our partners need to be educated about breastfeeding and support of breastfeeding. Who is  usually with us at 3 a.m. when we are trying to latch our babies? Not very many of us are lucky enough to have our mothers, sisters, aunts near us and if we do how many of the women in our lives who birthed before us actually breastfed a baby? There are generations of women who don’t what normal breastfeeding looks like. As so many of us know, there are well meaning people in our lives who unintentionally throw roadblocks into our breastfeeding relationships.

The emphasis on breastmilk as opposed to breastfeeding is clear in the opening scenes of the movie. The first image is that of a breast being expressed by a pump. This is a clear reflection of the breastfeeding culture in the U.S. today. Women talk about breastfeeding and breastmilk feeding as though they are one in the same. So much emphasis is put on pumping, not expression, but pumping. “Have you bough your pump yet? What kind did you get? When are you going to start pumping? How much should I be pumping? How often do I pump?” As much as women know about pumps we don’t know enough about normal breastfeeding. Isn’t this what should come first? Do you know that manual expression (not with a manual pump but with your hands) is often more efficient than a pump? This is true especially in the early days and weeks of breastfeeding! But how many classes teach manual expression? I know I’ve been guilty of teaching about hand expression, but not necessarily teaching the technique. What about breastfeeding? What does normal breastfeeding look like? Why does the baby have a witching hour in the evening? Do you know that watching the baby not the clock will tell you how often your breastfed baby needs to feed? It’s ok for baby to want to put their hands in their mouth when it’s time to feed. It’s ok if your new baby wants to feed every 90 minutes. Breastfeeding is not supposed to hurt. Pain is not normal and is an indication that something with the baby’s latch needs to change. Breastfeeding a baby after eruption of teeth is normal. Breastfeeding a baby past a year is normal. Tandem feeding is normal. Breastfeeding in public is normal Who is talking these aspects of breastfeeding? In my opinion, not enough people.

The movie show many of the interruptions women and babies have while they are trying to learn to breastfeed, especially in the hospital.  Mairi Breen Rothmann who spoke after the movie quoted a study I’ve heard before where women who birth in hospital are interrupted an average of every 17 minutes! If a newborn feeding session (positioning, latching, re-latching, re-positioning, feeding) takes about 40 minutes, she’s interrupted 3 times in that one session.  This only stresses that the Golden Hour after birth needs to be protected and revered so that the initial feed happens without interruption and subsequent feeds are easier for everyone.  Babies should not be taken from their mommas to be bathed early in this relationship, certainly not taken away for hours on end creating anxiety and doubt for the mother. They need that smell of amniotic fluid on their bodies to help them organize and find the breast, to properly colonize with momma. There is one hospital in this area I know categorizes babies as hazardous materials if they have not been bathed and the staff are required to wear gloves to handle the baby.  A grand policy in my eyes, only the parents should have hands on the baby.

The shape and shade of the families is phenomenal.  It’s not a movie about the typical middle-class white, husband and wife breastfeeding couple. There are families of color, adoptive families, same sex families, single parents, working parents, stay at home dads, you name it. Subjects discussed through the movie include extended breastfeeding, milksharing, formula feeding, tongue tie, induced lactation, going back to school or back to work, pumping, relationships, sex and intimacy, public breastfeeding and many worries about milk supply. So much is packed into  a short 90 minutes. And I haven’t even touched on the experts who share all kinds of information surrounding breastfeeding.

Many of the interviews take place in the bedroom of the families, on their beds. It’s very warm and intimate. The opening scene of the trailer is just that, an interview from the bed. This particular couple crack me up! Even with this humor there are elements of guilt, shame, embarrassment, failure as well as immense pride and joy. The emotions run the gamut.

The biggest surprise for me was the outcomes as they follow the families for a year. I think you will be surprised too.

I hope this film will serve as another jump-start to the conversation about breastfeeding in the United States. We need a change in the culture of breastfeeding for the health of our children, our society, our health care system, our future.

Some of my favorite clips are in the trailer. Watch it here.

Parenting and Puppies

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Perhaps you’ve been told to get a pet, a dog in particular, if you’ve mentioned to anyone in the universe that you’re considering the expansion of your family. There’s a number of reasons people say pets prepare you for parenting. I can tell you that there are some similarities such as the getting up at night, not being able to be out for long periods of times, feeding schedules etc.

That being said, pets are not as snugly in the bed, you cannot soothe a puppy in a sling or at your breast, playing tends to involve lots of running & tugging & TEETH, and pets are much more mobile much sooner than a baby!

I’ve had puppies in my life, but all came B.C. – Before Children. My mom bred bassett hounds when I was growing up. I look back now & wonder how she did it. We were 3 active kiddles in the house & my parents both worked full-time outside the home. My husband & I had dogs already when our children were born. The last few years have been petless. Now that we have bought a home & intend (in our minds anyway) to stay here for the duration, my family has gotten a puppy. Now, if I had things my way we would have waited a bit longer, at least until the summer when the older 2 are out of school. But here we are, 2 1/2 weeks into puppydom, he’s adorable & almost 11 weeks old, but so much more work than the 3 year old who is the normal variable factor in my day. It is glaringly apparent just how much work a puppy is, but the entire world needs to tell me this as well. Sound familiar?

Just like labor, birth & parenting, mention you have a new puppy & WHAM! Every bad story & negative comment about raising a puppy comes out just like every awful birth & parenting story come out.

So one again I challenge you to be the supportive person. Whether it’s a furbaby or a human baby have a fun, positive story to tell. Offer to help. Give constructive advice. There’s enough drama out there to last a lifetime.

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What is Perfect?

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A beautiful photo of a breastfeeding mother with the caption The Perfect Latch [sic] caught my eye this week. Ok I won’t lie; most photos of this nature catch my eye but this one made me stop & think. The latch did look nice from a lay person’s perspective, but I could see things mom could tweak to make it better. If the mother was comfortable with the latch & the baby was having good intake, then there’s no reason to change it.

As a bystander, how do we gauge if something is perfect & should we even express that sentiment? What do we really know about that breastfeeding dyad? Has that mother struggled with breastfeeding issues in the past? Perhaps her latch was causing a little pain when the photo was taken but she didn’t want to say so because she was told how perfect it was so why should she say anything?  This happens so often in the hospital after birth. A well meaning nurse comes in & sees those beautiful outturned “fish” lips on a baby who is having a feed & tells the mother how perfect a latch it is, but the mother says it hurts. The nurse tells her to give time, however there is an underlying issue you can’t see without further investigation, more questions, more time talking with the mother.  So this mother goes home having nipple pain, perhaps baby isn’t gaining quite enough. By the time she goes to the next pediatric appointment she has painful cracked nipples, a baby who looks like it isn’t gaining weight well, is told to supplement with a breastmilk substitute & use nipple shields until her nipples heal. Is this a fix? No, not at all. All because someone said that latch was “perfect”. And the cycle begins.

The same thing can be applied to birth. A doula says how perfect a birth this mother had, but the mother is questioning things that happened during or after her birth & is battling with postpartum anxiety during her babymoon. (Yes, there’s postpartum anxiety.) Only the mother can label her birth.  No one else should color her birth story for her.  Instead she should be asked about her experience & we should just listen. No interjection about how awful or wonderful someone else’s birth was, including our own. Just listen.

Parenting falls in the pitfall too. “I don’t know how you do what you do, you’re SuperMom!” is said to a mother who is running her children to all their schooling & activities, perhaps works or volunteers as well  (or both!) & is also trying to keep house & the family fed & happy. But at night she collapses because she is utterly exhausted & isn’t sure how much longer she can keep going this way because she doesn’t have enough support knowing she’s doing too much. She already knows she doesn’t know how to say No. She doesn’t feel like she can change the status quo without causing more issues that will have to deal with in the aftermath.  Then there is the mother feels like she needs to do as many things as SuperMom does, but she really can’t do more either. It’s classic keeping up with the Jones’.

We all get caught in the cycle when what we need to do is help one another break free.  Leave the labels to the packaged goods & let’s go find our tribes.  You are welcome in mine.

Yours in Birth
Angela

My 10 year old sling

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Maya Wrap unpadded extra long

This is my sling that has lasted 10 years and 3 children. It’s my woobie.

I took all the kids out after lunch today to run errands. We made it to the post office before my almost 3 year old took the hand of my almost 10 year old in the back seat of the car & fell asleep. This is a heart exploding moment as it is.

We decided to go ahead to our next stop.  I brought out my trusty sling. And then it hit  me – this sling is 10 years old. It has carried my oldest as a toddler & my next 2 babies since they were newborns until they were well into toddlerhood. It has seen so much work in so many countries in so many different kinds of weather. I’ve breastfed and fed cookies (fishing crumbs out of my bra every step of the way) & had a snack for momma too. So many hours of sleeping babies in this sling. I’ve had prenatal & postnatal appointments with clients, teaching breastfeeding, babywearing & cloth diapering classes in this sling. Playdates, parties, shopping, cooking, baking, laundry, moving, packing & unpacking, pta meetings, volunteering in the classroom, support groups, vacations & walks, many many many walks. The list is endless.

I bought 2 crappy, really crappy box store excuses for babywearing devices when my oldest was born. Such a waste of money, frustration, time and fabric. But I knew there had to be something better out there. She was a baby you just couldn’t put down. I knew babywearing worked but I had tried to save money & cut corners in the wrong way. These didn’t work for us. I could have easily made my own sling but wasn’t confident enough until much later.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd baby I found the right people to talk to and the right place to look at what I call a real sling. And so, I bought my sling, my Maya Wrap.  It has been, & always be, my go to. So easy to slip  on,  slide a baby in & just keep on going.  The learning curve was minimal & within days of my 2nd baby being born I felt like an old pro. And I wore him for 3 1/2 years.  The last time I remember wearing him was when we were in Rome. He was sick & we had a tour of the Vatican scheduled. We decided to try it & I would go back to the hotel if things deteriorated. My trusty Maya Wrap was at the bottom of my backpack. He decided he needed to hap as his fever ramped up again. At 3 1/2 & a good 35 lbs or so he curled up on my chest, the sling came out & he slept through the entire tour. I don’t remember how many hours it was, but it was quite a few. He woke up, his fever broke & we  continued on the day.

Today, as baby #3 snoozed away while we shopped for school supplies I kissed her little head in the same place it’s been for the last almost 3 years, just below my chin. Right where all babies should be – close enough to kiss. I realize these times are fleeting & I don’t know how many more there will be, but I will cherish every single one of them. I’m so grateful that I didn’t give up on babywearing.  It’s made my life so much easier, and so much easier for my children to be where they wanted to be, where they needed to be.

I’ve expanded my babywearing library to other wraps, slings, pouches  & soft-structured carriers, and I love them all for different reasons. But my hand always goes back to this sling. There’s not a thread popped  & it’s soft with years of use.  Sure it’s a just a tad bit faded, but I know this, when I am blessed with grandbabies, this will be the first thing I pull out to snuggle the next generation of our family.  Soft, warm, fuzzy little heads resting under my chin.

Creating a Birth Plan

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Coming to your care provider or place of birth with a birth plan in hand isn’t as uncommon as it once was 10-15 years ago. You even find auto-generating birth plans and outlines all over the internet. In reality, most birth plans (or wishes or desires, however you word it) are pretty similar.  Most women want to be left to labor & birth  with the least amount of intervention, with the people they feel most close to and will give the most support, and to keep their babies close after the birth. Pretty simple, right?

That being said there are still care providers who scoff & huff at the idea of planning or asking for anything at birth. I was on a hospital tour with a client recently where the nurse actually laughed & said, “Good Luck with that!” It took us all by surprise, like, did we hear her correctly?

There are a few ways to help your birth plan be read by the hospital staff on duty when you come in for your birth.

  • Double check your content. Leave out things like “I’d like to labor at home as long as possible.” You’re already left your home so you’ve likely already done this.  Or “I’d like to discuss induction methods if I am to have a scheduled  induction of labor.” This is a conversation you are more likely to have during an appointment with your provider and should be on a separate list to discuss with your provider.  Also, when you are not birthing at home you will need to take into account what is available to you at the birthing facility you’ve chosen.  You can’t ask to labor in a tub if the facility doesn’t have tubs for laboring.  Doing this kind of editing will help the next point.
  • Keep your plan as short as possible. Write out what you feel are the the most important points. This way you can try to keep your plan to a single page. The less there is to read the more likely the staff will be willing to read it.
  • Ensure you aren’t repeating yourself through the document.
  • Try to keep your plan organized. If the person reading it doesn’t jump from how you’d like to labor to delaying initial immunizations, to how you’d like to push, they will be more likely to read and follow through with your wishes.
  • Consider writing separate plans for a cesarean birth, care for baby while in the hospital for the postpartum period or in the event the baby’s health is compromised.

So why bother writing a plan if no one will read it? Well, someone will read it, but the most important reason to write it out is that it creates a dialog between you, your partner, your doula, & your care providers. You can hash out what policies you can’t get around at your birthing facility and which  might have a little wiggle room.  There may be something you hadn’t thought about before that may change your thoughts on a procedure or practice. You and your partner may find that you don’t see eye to eye on a particular event, procedure or policy. This gives you time to talk about and research these things well before they might become a reality.  No, you can’t predict the outcome of birth, but you can talk about the many facets & be prepared for most eventualities so that in the moment you feel confident to discuss and move on to the next step.

Flats Challenge Day 7: Reflections

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This is the culmination of  the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I have used only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

This last entry is late coming in. Being this is a holiday weekend and my husband is home, we’ve spent a lot of family time together this weekend. The blog posts are being written later & later. We took our flats and swim diapers out to the water park today so I’m just getting to this tonight. 🙂 Hey, DH isn’t in the Middle East, it’s all fair game, especially on a weekend  like this one.

I really wish I had tried this challenge last year. But you can’t change the past so I am really glad I did do it this year.

For those that don’t already know I am also a Circle Leader for the Real Diaper Association. There has been a tremendous amount of discussion about helping the less fortunate in our respective communities spurred most recently by Giving Diapers, Giving Hope, the non-profit Kim from DDL is making a donation to at the end of this challenge. Direct diaper donations are not within the mission of the RDA. However, some really smart people have found a way to work with other, well-established organizations to educate & donate to these families in our communities.

I began taking donations to start a similar program here during The Great Cloth Diaper Change in April. While thinking about what to teach before the diapers are distributed I decided that I had to take part in the flats handwashing challenge. I could talk about the economical value  and how to use flats, no problem, but I didn’t feel like I could talk about handwashing diapers without having any practical experience. I’ve only been doing this a week but I can see a few applications. There’s camping & vacations, lack of power, transitioning between homes, & not having a washing machine in the home. Even if you can get to a laundry mat once a week or every 2 weeks, washing by hand at home in between is absolutely a viable option. Yes, it’s hard work & yes, it takes some time & yes, there was a day or two I didn’t want to do it this week. But it can be done. And now, if I ever have to help a family learn to wash diapers by hand, I can say I know first hand how it’s done.

The last load of flats were washed after we returned from our watery adventure this afternoon & is still out on the deck in the dusk, drying. Am I ready to put my diapers back in the washer, yeah, a little bit. But I’ll say it again, I’m glad I made the decision to take part in the challenge this year.  I’m honored to take party with so many dedicated cloth diaper advocates & enthusiasts. Take a minute to read the reflections of other participants by clicking the link below. And thanks for following along this week. 😀


Flats Challenge Day 6: Nearing the End

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These are all the little people in my family I cloth diapered…minus my sister. 🙂

I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

One of the most difficult aspects of this challenge for me was not so much the actual washing, but deciding to blog the adventure. I not only committed to hand washing flats for a week, but to blog about it every.single.day. too.  Normally I blog on a whim. A story or an issue brought up leads me to talk about it on  my blog. I try to do it on a semi-regular basis, but I’m absolutely NOT a blog every week let alone a blog every day kinda gal.  Mostly it’s the time commitment & the whole type up something that is somewhat coherent that people who are not in my head can follow along without too much translation.

It’s the 2 year old really. The wee nymph who is the one subjected to my experiment this week of flats. She is a tiny little ball of energy & want someone to interact with her all the time. Who can blame her? The bigs will generally give me time when I ask them for it, but you can’t ask that of a 2 year old. Or at least not for very long.

The other thing I’ve realized this week is that if I can carve out time to hand wash flats & to blog about it, I can carve out more time to take care of me. I haven’t been very good about that recently & made a commitment to myself this year to change that, even if it’s in small steps. If I gave myself the time to exercise they way I gave myself time to do this challenge I could make a big difference in  a very short amount of time. I’m not getting any younger & time isn’t slowing down one bit.



Flats Challenge Day 5: Things I’ve Learned to Date

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I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

I’m going to start with the obvious. This challenge is much easier when you have

  • an older baby.
  • a baby that is willing to poop on the toilet.
  • older kiddles who can fold flats.
  • a plunger for the bucket.
  • bright sunny days.
  • gloves.
  • Wool.

I didn’t expect to still be this happy using flats. Nor did I expect to pick up yet another fold & LOVE IT! Kim posted this fold on DDL yesterday called the Jo Fold & it’s fantastic. You can use it with pins, Boingos or Snappi. Finally, a fold my DH can get behind!

Ah yes, my DH abhors pinning diapers. This has been a pain this week.

My mainstay is normally prefolds and a nice little stash of hemp fitteds.  But I could just as easily do without them.

I really do love wool. I love to make soakers & I love to use them. PUL is great, fleece is great, but wool wins me over time & time again. It doesn’t get as stinky as the synthetic covers as quickly so it doesn’t need to be washed as often. It can also absorb a bit if the diaper is a bit too wet.  It breathes like no other.  Did I mention how much I love wool? This challenge only cements my adoration.

When washing in the washer it’s better to have a more full load. When washing by hand it’s better to have a much smaller load.  It’s also pretty easy to know when your diapers are clean & rinsed. When it’s damp, humid or raining, wringing well is your friend – this is where gloves come into play. Also, since I forgot to get a plunger while I was out today, I am still literally washing by hand. I wish my gloves were a little longer, but shorter gloves work in a pinch. It’s a good idea to turn the gloves inside out & put them out with the diapers to dry on a hot sweaty day like today, or, if you got water in them while washing like I did.

I wished I hadn’t waited to try this challenge. If I knew what I know now about this process I would have brought all the flats  & used a bucket when we returned to the States last fall while we were in temporary housing. The machines available in billets were awful & often in use. The laundry mat was expensive, often busy & the front loaders I preferred to use were broken more often than not. Handwashing would have been a very viable option during that transition time.

Yes, handwashing takes some time, but it’s doable. Very doable.

eta** In the time it took me to post this entry the flats had dried in the sun. Hooray!**

See what others have to say about what they’ve learned. Clink the link below.

Flats Challenge Day 4: How’s it going?

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I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

So we’ve made it to about the half way point & things are going ok. I still haven’t replaced my plunger yet so I’ve been literally washing by hand in the bucket. Truth be told on day 2 we didn’t have any diapers because the wee nymph who allows us to wrap her in the fluff (if I say her name it’s all over, you realize this, right?) successfully used the toilet for over 24 hours. Day 3 wasn’t as lucky, but I still only had a few diapers to wash. I’m so glad I picked up gloves to save my hands or I’m quite sure I would be miserable at this point. I did manage to stab a finger last night just before going to bed with the pin. Tired much?  I wouldn’t say washing by hand is a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not impossible.

It’s been rainy & humid making even flats dry slowly but they’ve still dried much faster than prefolds or fitteds would. I had a straggler prefold & fitted in the first wash that didn’t make it in the washer before the challenge started. Holy Dampness Batgirl! I could wring the flats a little tighter or roll them in a towel & press extra water out & that would be helpful. But with said wee nymph so busy, it’s hard to care out dedicated wash time. The process happens in bits & chunks. Much like writing the blog. It’s a wonder any of this makes sense. But I’m still chugging along.

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Check out how others are doing & click the button below.

Flats Challenge Day 3: You want me to fold it HOW?

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I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

I remember folding & pinning diapers to my little sister back in the late 70’s, vinyl pants and all. My mom showed me how to do it & I just did it. It wasn’t scary. So why have I avoided flats for the better part of my 12 years of motherhood except to use as an emergency burp cloth? Enter peer/societal influence. Convenience is the name of the game and according to the majority of people around me, flats are in no way convenient & are way too hard to deal with and too time consuming!

Wrong.

Folding flats is only as difficult as you make it. In fact, I only FINALLY figured out the kite fold after a year of trying at our recent Circle Meeting. I had a complete block, but one of the other mommas was just folding away & had an AH-HA moment. I followed her lead & finally, success. Granted, with the advent of sites like You Tube & the proliferation of cloth diaper sites & blogs you can get your folding questions answered rather quickly without ever leaving your house.

Diaper on the left is Origami Fold & the right is Diaperbag Fold.

We use wool soakers for the most part so we pin & cover. My go to fold is the Origami fold. My older kids love it too. This is good because DH gets this glazed look on his face trying to do it. He will do it but a bit begrudgingly so having the older ones able to fold the diapers is a huge plus if my hands are busy (and when aren’t they?).

I discovered the Diaperbag fold on the DDL site while preparing for our last Circle Meeting & I really like this one too, but it’s not “look, no hands” fold yet. I still need to reference directions for it. One leg it has up on the Origami fold is I feel like it’s more Snappi friendly for some babies. With plain old woven flats (oh whoa is me) the thin material makes me leery to use a Snappi more times than not. But you can fold the Diaperbag fold so there are more layers for the Snappi legs to catch & I worry less about pinching or poking the baby.

Want to know how others fold their flats? Click the button below.