Beau Choix

Flats Challenge Day 2: Disaster Strikes

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I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

Ok, not exactly disaster, but a big disappointment anyway. At least I had already done the majority of the washing & was into my rinse cycle. I thought that I put too many holes in my plunger, but it broke off at the base, not where the holes were. What you really don’t realize is that I am built like The HULK and don’t realize my own strength. (Come on, that was at least a little funny!)

So my supply cost went up a bit & I bought a pair of $3.50 gloves to finish rinsing and to wring with. I’m glad I saw some other posts about hands being raw from wringing out diapers. I have sensitive (HULK) hands & it doesn’t take but  a quick change in temperature or forgetting to wear gloves to wash dishes before they start looking lizard-like only to quickly start cracking. And I’m gonna have to go get another plunger tomorrow. I only had time to run to the grocery store today & they didn’t have any plungers.

The good news is the plumbing bill I eluded to yesterday wasn’t outrageous & I managed to get the diapers finished in time to spend some time in the sun on my trusty German drying rack out on the deck. It was supposed to storm today but hasn’t yet & I’m taking advantage of every second of sun.

So what else am I using? Some old as dirt Gerber flats that I used with my almost 12 year old when she was born for burp cloths, complete with spit up stains, a couple of generic German flats, and about a dozen unbleached flats from a co-op. There is a solitary pin that is in constant use. Somewhere there are 7 others, but because I want to use them I can’t find them.  I have some fleece topped hemp doublers in reserve in case I need them at night. And to top it all off there are various soakers made by yours truly and a fleece wrap or two I bought from a WAHM when my 9 year old was in diapers.  I’m still using my trusty Rockin’ Green Hard Rock, just in much smaller quantities. And I found out today I could use even less!

It’s not all a complete disaster. I even figured out how to get the lid on all the way finally. I have issues, I know, but aren’t you having fun reading about it all?


Flats Challenge 2012 Day 1

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I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry. For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all. You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post. This year there are over 45o participants from all over the world!

Last year I thought about taking part in the Flats Challenge, but I had hit the EOD…End Of Deployment Wall. My husband had been gone for  more than 10 months & I was burnt out to a crisp. I did, on the other hand, discuss and demonstrate flats as the monthly topic of our cloth diapering group. It helped get a lot of moms thinking about using something other than what they were using. And because we all lived in Europe, it got them thinking about how to better travel with cloth diapers. Not a bad trade off.

So this year I’m teetering on the edge. My dd is finally beginning to use the toilet more & so if I’m going to do this challenge, it has to be now.  I even made a camp bucket washer last night much to the delight of my older children who watched the how-to videos with me last year & can also origami fold like a pro. The older ones are actually my favorite prop. Inspired by YouTube videos, they race to see who can do the origami fold the neatest, the fastest. (Score one for mom!) I expect fights over the bucket at some point. (This will be score two for mom)

Because the NOVA Real Cloth Diaper Circle started taking donations of cloth diapers for area families in need during the Great Cloth Diaper Change I hope to grasp a better understanding of cloth diapering in conditions less than ideal during this challenge. Instead of just talking about how to wash if you don’t have a washing machine, I’m going to do it.

My expenses so far are: bucket – $2.60, lid – $1.28, plunger – $5.99, for a total of $9.87.  Everything else I have on hand.

The irony of it all…it’s raining and the toilet in my bathroom isn’t filling with water correctly so now I have to call the plumber.  Hopefully saving some cash by not washing with the washer & dryer will help with that. 😛 Typical.

Glossy Prints

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I went on a tour of the Women’s Center at a local hospital recently & was given a folder of information related to their pre & postnatal services.

There a sheet listing the agenda of the tour, and a brochure of their childbirth education offerings. The tour is a rattling off of hospital procedure. If you need any in-depth answers, don’t ask the tour guide. If you’re not planning a “normal hospital birth” but a physiologically normal birth you will make the guide quite nervous. It’s clear that not many people just give birth.

Much of the rest of the folder is focused on breastfeeding.  I thought, “This is better.”

That is until I sat down & looked at it all.

It was wonderful to see all the support they have set up for area women, but it is far from making breastfeeding normal. There is a lot of information about support, support groups, classes, pumping & where & how to buy or rent pumps. So many gorgeous glossy pictures of beautiful babies. Only one of a mother very very discretely breastfeeding her baby.

All the support is great, but without the depiction of breastfeeding being normal the message is lost.

My region is filled with support & some really great resources. I’ve lived in many places where this isn’t so. Regardless of where you live, it’s very important to search out all your options before you are in the throws of labor & realizing that your birth plan can’t be & won’t be followed because the facility you’ve chosen has a completely different definition of normal that is not the same as your own. Make sure that your care providers, birthing facility and after support are fully vested in you. Some issues can be solved through self advocacy, but you shouldn’t have to fight uphill when you should be completely zoned out in Laborland or  blissfully snuggling your new baby. You shouldn’t be worrying about what you have to give up to get the care & support you need & deserve.

You Are Worth It.

 

Latch is where it’s at

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The principles of breastfeeding have been brought to the forefront of my own breastfeeding experience once again.

If you’re a breastfeeding mother you’ve heard all about & probably know first hand just how important latch is. It’s one of the first things taught in breastfeeding class. It can be one of the hardest things to get right. It’s objectively subjective – meaning you can give great detail about how to do it with all the evidence based information available, but how the information is taken in and  applied varies from each mom/baby dyad. Mom or baby can change the equation in less time than it takes to say “OUCH!”

You know all about my most recent experience if you’ve read this post. Third baby, disastrous start to breastfeeding.  She’s almost 2 1/2 years old now you’d think we’d be completely past any issues. But I’m here to tell you all it takes is one night.

My sweet girl had a cold. Not a bad one, just a cold.

And then came the first night. After we both had fallen asleep, the stuffy nose started. Suck suck suck, breathe. Frantic latch, suck suck suck, Breathe. ** lather, rinse, repeat all night.

After that first night I was sure I had woken up with a newborn who had torn my nipples to shreds. The damage was done. We used saline & the ever popular (NOT!) nose sucker but she was still very snurfly.

This has gone on for many many nights until just the last couple.

Why am I telling you this? All it takes is one time, one really bad latch & the breakdown of the nipple begins. And when that latch can’t be improved right away, well, even I started cringing at every request for a feed. And there are so many moms that would throw up their hands at this point because they don’t have the support to get over the hump and back to normal breastfeeding. Many moms simply wean.

Older babies and toddlers still gain a tremendous amount of benefits from breastfeeding, especially when sick.  Breastfeeding gives a child the nutrients and antibodies they need to recover, especially when that child has decided not to eat and drink while ill. Breastfeeding may be their best source of nutrition when even a cup of water is being refused. And that breastmilk has a higher fat content at night so those calories your sweet bub decided they could do without during the day is given at night.  Breastfeeding not only serves as an important physical component, but an emotional one as well. Sitting down to breastfeed a clingy, needy, sick child does more to aid your child than anything else possibly could. It’s a wonderful excuse to just sit and cuddle.

Latch is so important. If you start having pain at any point in your breastfeeding relationship the first thing to look at above all else is latch & positioning.  Pain is a sign that something is not right. Pain is never normal. In this last experience of mine it did take a little time to clear my child’s airway to get a good latch & get things healed again (momma and baby). But if your child is not ill and breastfeeding is painful, step one is still to check the latch & positioning.  (Does the baby have breast tissue not just the nipple, is the baby’s body facing mom’s, is mom supporting the baby’s head from the neck not the back of the head, etc etc etc) If you’re unsure about how to check latch & position or know you’re already having a hard time, please seek a breastfeeding professional, a breastfeeding counselor, La Leche League Leader or an IBCLC for help. You’re not bothering anyone, we’re here to help.

Visible Change

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Most everyone talks about the changes they will make at the beginning of each year. Life inevitable gets in the way & most of us fall into our normal routines pretty quickly. It’s much the same in our work lives. Most of us have the best of intentions, really. In fact I hesitated even posting this, my first post of the new year because I didn’t want to post unrealistic goals & why it’s almost the end of the month before I’ve actually hit publish.

This year I decided would be my year for Visible Change.

The first is easy. I’m going to continue to wear my baby. She’s 2 years old now, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be worn. Why? Well, besides the fact that she’s a tiny peanut with short legs many times I hear or read of parents who quit babywearing because their baby got “too big” at 4, 5, 8 months old. If you have the correct carrier and wear it correctly, you can safely babywear until your child is around 40 lbs. Know your carrier, know your baby. You will find that you and your baby are happier when you can stay close, especially when your baby can tell you they want to be close!

Oh yes, I will continue to breastfeed and breastfeed in public. Yes my child is 2 and yes she still breastfeeds and yes I still feed her when she asks most of the time. I know when she’s just bored & asking for the sake of asking. I also know when she has a genuine need. It’s biologically normal and we will continue until she decides she’s outgrown her need, same as my other two children.

I will take better care of myself in order to take better care of my family and my clients.

As a Birth Professional I will continue to work with, not against my client’s care providers. I will be the face of doulas everywhere so that those who come after me will not have to clean up after me. I will be kind and respectful at all times. I will not be a doormat. I will show what constant support is in labor and how it is beneficial to birthing families regardless of how they  birth.

I will bring the doula magic to every birth: Being, Listening, Touching, Holding & Believing,  Fully, Completely and Without Reservation or Hesitation.

I will continue to support breastfeeding mothers. Period.

I will finish up my courses that have been almost finished for entirely too long. First it was the baby, then it was the deployment, then the move, but now, no more excuses. I’ve put much of it into practice already, but I will finish out the last of the courses. And I will continue to find opportunities for continuing education.

With that I will set up Childbirth Education &  Breastfeeding classes. Women deserve to have a veritable smorgasbord of classes to choose from as not every woman births the same. There should be many offerings outside the traditional hospital based classes. Mothers and their partners deserve classes that can be fine tuned to what they need. I will also re-establish a Breastfeeding Support Group & a Cloth Diapering Circle.

I will once again host the Great Cloth Diaper Change & finish my Real Cloth Diaper Leader training.

So yes, some of this is more of the same, but it’s my commitment to staying the course even though I’ve done much of it before. It’s why I’m combining a few personal goals with my professional goals. I’m hoping that when others see what I’m doing that they will not be afraid to show some of the same visibility.  Walkin’ my Talk. Hold me to it. I will post updates to the website, the blog and social media. How will your community see your visible change?

So Very Tiny

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This is a reflective paper I’m writing for my certifications with Childbirth International. It is the postpartum experience I had after the birth of our 3rd child who was born SGA (small for gestational age). While she was not a preemie, we experienced many of the same experiences as preemie families. November 17th is World Prematurity Awareness Day.

Our third child in born 2009. I was an American living in Germany. Our baby was due 18 October, but was born on 6 October after a prostaglandin gel induction beginning on 5 October. I consented to an early induction because she was diagnosed as being Small for Gestational Age and there was concern that my placenta wasn’t working effectively.  The labor and delivery were rather easy and unremarkable with the exception that our daughter was born weighing only 2160 grams.

In the many weeks leading up to the birth there was not discussion about what would happen after the birth. My biggest goal at the time was to do everything I could to make sure she was growing & getting the nutrients she needed to thrive before her birth. When she was born I thought I would just breastfeed her until she was nice & plump like my first 2 babies. The ultrasound scans did not indicate any physical issues other than her size, and all my prenatal testing came back negative. There were no expectations for an impaired baby.

There is no nursery in the hospital where I gave birth.  My OB came in to check on me after the birth and said he didn’t think the baby would need to go to the Kinderklinik (NICU).  I was sure I would be taking our tiny baby home the next day. A short time later the pediatrician came in & said our baby would be transferred right away to the “well-baby” NICU and I could follow later after being discharged.  They could not guarantee that there would be a bed available for me to stay with her.  I called our military patient liaison to come for help and guidance. She was of no assistance.  I asked that no one feed my baby any glucose water or formula, that she would be breastfed by me when I arrived.

By the time I had arrived a few hours later she had already been fed glucose water.  Communication with the nurses on duty at the time was minimal because few of them spoke English. I had to wait for someone who could translate better. I was allowed to sleep in her room.  The baby was subjected to constant monitoring of her temperature, oxygen and heart rate as well as a battery of tests while we stayed. In addition she was having latching problems. The doctors’ solution to this was for me to pump and feed & supplement with formula. I had to document every gram going in and coming out. I asked for someone to help me fix her latch, but was denied as there was no one trained at this hospital. There wasn’t an internet connections to search out a private IBCLC nor would the staff search for one so I sent my husband a list of books to bring me from home. I was determined to fix it myself. It wasn’t worth transferring to another hospital because it was over an hour away and our baby wasn’t sick. She just needed to gain weight. And I needed to be close to my family so that when they were able to come see us it wasn’t additional stress on everyone to come to the hospital.

Once she began gaining weight they had no reason to keep her any longer. We had been in the NICU almost a week. None of their tests showed a single anomaly. Upon their determination of her ability to self regulate her body temperature she was given a final battery of normal newborn testing, pronounced ‘perfect but tiny’ by the resident assigned to her, and we were released to go home.

—

 After the birth I was elated because the release of all the worry in the culmination of this pregnancy with an induction that worked the way it was intended to, a relatively easy birth, and a baby who was wee but healthy.

This quickly turned to frustration and anger. I was told her transfer was policy because her weight too low, was unavoidable and couldn’t wait. She wasn’t sick, acute or in grave danger, yet they wouldn’t wait until I was discharged, they wouldn’t let me go with her during transfer nor would they let me drive her to the NICU myself. I pulled one of the nurses aside and tried to tell her this was happening too fast and I needed someone to talk to. She was empathetic, but couldn’t help me or fully understand what I was saying despite my tries at some decent German. Few people on duty that morning spoke English. My efforts were futile. When I called the patient liaison for help, I was told I should listen to the doctor & I was frustrated she wasn’t listening to what I was asking. She should have been the person to help me iron the transfer questions out. I felt like no one was listening to me.

Upon arrival at the NICU I was so upset to find our baby crying, in a room alone. I went from upset to infuriated when she vomited glucose water. She wasn’t supposed to be supplemented. Again I felt like no one was listening to me.

Through our entire stay I felt like I was fighting to be listened to. About day 2 or 3 the doctor came in with his entourage and told me to take my baby home to die because I didn’t just want to pump & supplement with formula. I wanted to breastfeed her but no one wanted to help me breastfeed her.  At that point I was like a Momma Bull in a China Shop. I was being treated with such disrespect & wasn’t being listened to. I can only think of one other time in my life that I was so angry, disappointed, disrespected & completely let down by everyone around me. It was bad enough that I was the lone American on the floor completely segregated from everyone else, but they treated me like I was a nuisance. That I wasn’t worth their time because I asked questions and challenged their standard treatment.

At the same time I was worried about my family at home. They couldn’t come up because my oldest was sick so I didn’t have the full support of my family at the hospital. We couldn’t all just be together and work it out. And I couldn’t take care of my older daughter. I felt like I wasn’t there for her. My husband wasn’t able to be at the hospital & help be my back up for the majority of the time we were there. I really felt alone. He had just returned days earlier from out of the country for the previous 3 months and hadn’t had time to even reintegrate back to regular family life let alone deal with this situation our daughter’s birth brought. I wanted him to be there for me, but I also didn’t want to overwhelm him. I know he was feeling lost not being able to help but I felt even more abandoned not having him there to help me.

I was afraid to leave her alone at the hospital at all because even when I went down the hall to pump after breastfeeding her, at night especially, if she woke up & cried, by the time I got back to the room there would be a pacifier in her mouth with an empty syringe of gas drops or something beside her. Everywhere I turned there was something else that was interfering with her breastfeeding.

It was at that point that made the switch in my head that I couldn’t feel sorry for myself. I had to work to get her weight up so we could go home. So I felt comfortable taking this tiny baby home. I took my anger and made it productive.

—

I was so focused on the pregnancy itself I didn’t think to ask about what happens after. I knew there wasn’t a NICU at the hospital I chose, but I didn’t ask my doctor what might happen to the baby after the birth. After the induction I thought we were in the clear. She was tiny, but perfectly healthy. I could have asked to transferred to the American hospital at Landstuhl an hour away at the end of my pregnancy. They have an in-house special care unit and an IBCLC on staff. It would have been further from my family, but I see now I may have had a better chance at the care I wished we’d both had.

When the baby was transferred I could have been less passive in allowing it to happen & found a way to go together to the Kinderklinik. I didn’t ask enough questions of the patient liaison so she would also ask questions. Her every answer was, “It’s their policy”.  I didn’t keep asking why. When I felt she didn’t have an answer to my issues my focus turned to getting discharged so I could go be with our baby. I just wanted her to go so I could make the rest of the calls to leave.

When the doctor ripped me down & told me to take my baby home to die I should have stood up for myself in the moment. I was tired, hormonal, worried, but I could have stood my ground instead of breaking down. No doctor should speak to a parent that way. My baby was not in grave danger. Yes she was still losing weight, but simply saying do it my way or go isn’t proper care. I didn’t ask for his supervisor, I didn’t ask for another doctor to take my case, I didn’t complain later through our military channels. I should have and I kick myself for taking that kind of abuse. Although he never came back to my room again, not even to do the final assessment. One of his interns did the final exam. Again, I could have asked for a transfer to Landstuhl, but I felt that she wasn’t sick so why make that long trip to have to start at square one again. I only wanted to get our baby home.

When I was denied an IBCLC at the Kinderklink  it didn’t occur to me to ask for a telephone consult with the Landstuhl IBCLC for more suggestions to get the baby to my breast or for suggestions to create an SNS system with what was on hand at the hospital where we stayed. I would not have had an in person consult, but because I did have a professional report with her I may have gotten extra telephone time if she was available. This may have sped up the baby’s weight gain & latch issues & we might have gone home sooner.

I was focused on getting the baby back on the monitors after every feed because the nurses said to. Instead I could have worked out a schedule with them for intermittent sessions & just taken the baby with me to pump so she wouldn’t cry and they wouldn’t feel like the needed to do something to her to make her stop. I could have had much more skin to skin time if I hadn’t allowed her to be put on the monitors constantly. This might have helped her breastfeeding issues too.

Instead of involving my husband more, I tried to take everything on myself since he had to be home so he wouldn’t have double the stress. I buried some of my feelings which came out later after I came home. It wasn’t the fix I hoped that would be, it added to stress later.

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At the time I thought I was being proactive in my actions, but I see now that I could have done more. I was asking questions but they were not enough or the right kind of questioning. I let the policy guideline be the end of the road. I allowed the cultural and language barrier create a bigger wall to scale than it needed to be. My anger allowed the staff to take power away from my choices and kept me from seeing that I had more choices. I know some of the emotions came from the intense hormonal shift, lack of sleep and being in an uncomfortable environment, but I could have kept pushing. I need to let go of the anger because I made a choice &I didn’t change it then & I can’t change it now. I can only make decisions in the now and move on.

I needed to involve my husband more in the process instead of shielding him from it. Some of this wasn’t possible because he couldn’t be there, but I could have had him working behind the scenes making phone calls to our American clinic in town trying to find some better answers. I didn’t have to try do it all myself. He would have coped better knowing he was doing something to help me beyond caring for our older children.

However, this event has changed how I deal with stressful situations. I have learned how to be more proactive in how I question practices in general. Its lead me to keep asking questions, not just be satisfied with a single answer whether or not I’m comfortable with that answer.

I know I need to continually work to keep working at doing all this.

There are times the system isn’t going to change for me and if I decide not to step outside of it I will have to deal with what it brings. When I stay within this system I know that I can find allies, but that their hands may be tied. It’s better to recognize it now than to try to fight it in the middle of a situation.

Knowing all this makes me continually look at how this will affect my clients as a doula, breastfeeding counselor and childbirth educator. I am always looking for additional resources that other families might not know about or prepare them to deal with a situation without having to live though it like I and others have. I try to prepare them for the unexpected without overwhelming them. When I see a resource is needed I try to bring it in, or, if I’m able, provide it myself. I know I can’t do everything for everyone, but if I can enhance the birth and parenting period in some subtle way that makes the smallest difference, then I have found my niche. I hope to be able to effectively communicate how to navigate the system that most parents are left to muddle through alone. Leaving my baggage at the door is the first step. Being as unbiased as I can is the next. Realizing there is always room for growth and learning is the key.

Half a Million Babies

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The March of Dimes released this year’s Prematurity Report Card with a state by state breakdown this week. More than half a million babies in in the United States are born too soon. The United Sates as a whole rates as a C and only one, ONE state received an A rating.

How is this even possible in this day & age?

Why is this happening?

Consider the following:

  • Too many mothers are uninsured or underinsured and as a result don’t receive adequate prenatal care.
  • Fully one third of births in the United States are surgical births. The rate of cesarean births continues to rise every year.
  • The rate of early inductions is also rising.
  • Overuse of testing, especially late in pregnancy, resulting in more medically managed, earlier births.
  • There is not enough access to VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).
  • There are not enough midwives to manage healthy women during their pregnancy & birth.
  • Anecdotal rather than evidence based information is being disseminated. One look at My OB Said What? gives you only a taste of what’s being said out there.
  • Many due dates are off and babies are being born at 36-37 weeks when the care provider thought the baby was 38-40 weeks.
  • The are more families having problems conceiving and thus are having to use a fertility specialist. These pregnancies often result in multiple births and many birth early & need time in the NICU.

The two most common reasons I hear for birthing a baby early are gestational age and size of the baby.

Despite the fact that a “term” pregnancy is considered 37-42 weeks, even waiting until 38 or especially 39 weeks to induce reduces the incidence of prematurity and allows the baby’s systems to fully mature. A week or two makes a huge difference even that late in pregnancy. Just because a woman reaches 40 weeks doesn’t mean that her time is up either & she must be induced or have a cesarean unless there is some legitimate medical reason.

A “big baby” is not a reason to birth a baby early. Ultrasound images can be up to 2 pounds off on either side of the reading. I hear so many women say their doctor said they couldn’t birth this baby because it is too big only to find the baby was a mere 6 or 7 pounds, not the 9 or 10 that it was thought to be. So the baby was born too early & can have complications solely based on a weight guess. Later many of these same women birth larger babies. And tiny women can birth 9, 10 even 11 pound babies. And no, they don’t all have traumatic births. When did our bodies change so much that we are no longer able to birth our children?

Prematurity brings with it a whole host of problems from immature lungs to problematic breastfeeding. When a baby is in the NICU can create a disconnect between the baby and it’s parents creating further issues once the baby is allowed to come home. It also causes emotional and financial hardship on the family.

So what can we do to help prevent the rate of premature births from continuing to rise?

  • Educate yourself – Know what a normal pregnancy, labor and birth look like.
  • Have faith in your body – Many women are told their bodies are not capable of birth. Big Red BS flag flying there.
  • Get a second opinion or change to a new, supportive provider even if you are in your 39th weeks of pregnancy. Yes you can.
  • Have a supportive birth team. Hire a knowledgeable doula.
  • Know your options. If a provider is suggesting you need to be induced or need a cesarean ask “Why?” And then ask, “How?”, know your options and don’t settle just for what your provider says, there may be more available that would be better for you. And then ask, “When does this decision need to be made?” Use BRAIN analysis – Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition (what does it tell you), (what if I) do Nothing
  • Same questions for testing. “Is is necessary?” “What will the results tell us?” “How will this affect my birth?” Again, use BRAIN.

Of course there is a time and a place for intervention and high risk care, but there is also a time and a place to just let a woman be to birth her baby.

Happy Halloween!

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Being on call during a holiday can bring much stress to birth workers.  Especially one so fun as Halloween. Worrying about missing the holiday entirely are dwarfed by thoughts of whether or not we’ve prepared enough so the holiday can go on without us.

But these things pale when we’ve attended a birth that is absolutely transformative.  That’s what happened last year. In the wee hours of Halloween I received the call that it was time for me to go. It was Sunday morning, my husband was in Afghanistan, my childcare provider was MIA & not answering her phone, my backup plan (and dear friend) was getting ready to attend mass that was particularly special for her & so I went to another dear friend, my backup to the backup plan.  Already I’m stressed getting out the door. I still had an hour drive ahead of me, and I did remember my Halloween socks!

My childcare provider finally called as I was pulling up to momma’s door. A wash of relief allowed me to enter this birth cocoon with a different energy, not a suppressed worry.

While I won’t blog about the birth itself, I will tell you that followed was a birth so beautiful, so strong, so AMAZING. Watching this momma birth with such empowerment was a true gift. She pushed aside everything that could have derailed her amazing body and birthed her child as she intended. It was an incredible honor to be a part of this family’s special day. Births like hers are what we as birth workers strive to help our families attain.

I was on such an oxytocin rush that driving home felt like flying. In fact, I made it home in time to make chili for the building like I did every year and get my kiddles dressed to Trick or Treat. I was still able to have Halloween with my own children. It doesn’t always happen this way, but this time it did.

And wouldn’t you know that Halloween was this birthing momma’s favorite holiday? She’s cool like that.

 

PS – Did you notice that the blog has a new look? Ginormous Thank You to Chicken Scratch Studio (check her link on the side)! She’s my peep that keeps me looking so good. And she’s cool like that too! 😉

 

Babywearing is Freedom

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October 10-16 2011 is International Babywearing Week

“Don’t you ever put her down?”

How many of you have heard this ad nauseum?  My answer: “Why should I?”

A common assumption about babywearing is that you’ll spoil the baby because you don’t put the baby down. Or that you have no time to your self because you are always with the baby. Or that it’s too uncomfortable. Or that it’s too complicated. Or Or Or

How is it possible to spoil a baby when you are providing it’s most basic needs? Warmth, love, attention, food, safety. Even older babies, this is all they really want. How is cluttering up your house with every baby accoutrement ever made to put down this little being better than simply wearing your baby? They grow out of that stuff in a matter of months anyway. Consider this: would you be happier hanging out on a warm chest with rhythmic beats & waves looking around as you please, or would you rather be on a thin mat on the floor with a bunch of bright  colored things hanging over you? What is the environment this baby just left? A warm, wavy, rhythmic belly. It makes sense on a fundamental level.

Babywearing doesn’t tie you down. In fact, it frees you. You don’t need to lug a big stroller everywhere. It’s convenient to unsnap that car seat & just leave the baby in there, but you still have to carry that big honkin’ piece of plastic around, at least until you snap in a cart. But car seats are supposed to be for the car, not for all purpose use. Snap baby in the car seat, snap car seat in the stroller, snap car seat in on the cart, bring baby into the house, leave baby in the car seat while you do what you need to do. After a little practice you can just slip the baby from place to place into your baby carrier of choice without much fuss. You will be happier, your back will be happier, your baby will be happier, your car will have more room in the back of your vehicle.

Yes, your back will thank you. A proper wrap, sling or other carrier will distribute the weight evenly across your back & chest. Simple adjustments will help distribute the weight more evenly as the baby gets bigger. If the carrier isn’t comfortable it’s either on incorrectly or it’s made poorly.

You can breastfeed on the go, easy peasy. And, if you think you need to feed with a cover, most carriers offer a fair amount if not as much privacy as a cover would with even more discretion. There’s no big cover over you saying, “Hey! Breastfeeding here, Don’t peek!” You simply make a few adjustments et voila! instant discrete, hands free (did I mention hands free) breastfeeding!

If you’re like me and single parent on a regular basis, babywearing becomes the literal fabric of life. I am a military spouse. My husband just spent the last year in the Middle East, again. Once again we were living in Germany. The baby was 8 months old when he left this time. I have 2 older children. How did I get anything done? Babywearing. Not just me but the older children took the opportunity to learn that they could wear their sister too. Did this save my sanity on a daily basis? You bet it did. I took her everywhere, prenatal & postnatal visits, breastfeeding visits, support groups, shopping, big kids’ activities, teaching comfort measures, doctors’ appointments, she was the perfect prop to teach babywearing in the breastfeeding class, I took her everywhere except to the births I attended.

Babies grow up soon enough. They all find their independence. Keep them close while you can, it’s for a shorter time that you can ever imagine. Let babywearing free you.

Do you Babywear?

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It’s International Babywearing Week!

I can’t imagine my life as a mom without babywearing.

I had the WORST carriers with my first daughter in 2000.  Awful. I tried to make them work. I really did. But I didn’t know anyone else who used them or who I could ask about them so quietly they went away.  I knew they were good & I know other people had made them work, but I had the wrong ones. Cheaply made bought from big box stores. W-R-O-N-G, just wrong.

In 2002 I bought a Maya Wrap  sling from my doula and boy what a difference! I used it from day one & didn’t stop until my son was 3 1/2. He was a big ‘ole chunk of a kiddo too! I learned to breastfeed hands free in that sling & it saved me! My favorite story to tell is we were living in Europe & went to Rome one spring. My son spiked a fever & vomited the night before we left. We decided to still go & if I only saw Rome from the hotel room, so be it. It was the only time we had to go. I thought to pack the MayaWrap in the bottom of my backpack. While he did ok, he did need to sleep while he spiked another fever as we toured the Vatican. He slept, all 3 1/2 years & 30+ pounds of him, on my chest for several hours while we walked the tour in that sling. It is my pride & joy & I will never part with that sling. I bought a solarveil sling too. I was hooked.  I even started making my own slings. Babywearer for life!

As a doula I was exposed to the many new carriers available as my clients had more & more babies. And I began to collect them.  I bought an Ergo Organic that sat in the closet for many years waiting for a new addition or for me to start teaching classes. In 2009 our 3rd baby was born a tiny peanut, all 2160 grams of her. I started wearing her while we were in the KinderKlinik (NICU) in my new Moby Wrap. I knew all the benefits of kangaroo care and babywearing & used every one of them to get us out of the Klinik. These benefits include, but are not limited to:

  • Better self regulation of baby’s body temperature, respiratory rate & heart rate – overall healthier babies, this is especially important if your baby has any health problems, prematurity or is small at birth. Simply wearing your baby does things that no machine or medicine can regulate quite like it in most cases.
  • Happier babies – Humans are not self sufficient at birth. This is one of the reasons babies like to be held. They know where they are safe & warm & near their food supply & don’t like to be separated from it. This is why babywearing is so great during the newborn period. Babies cry less when worn. The baby can be where they want to be the caregiver can still have hands free to continue doing what they need to. So instead of putting that baby down, place your baby where they want to be, right on your chest.
  • Happier more confident parents – Babywearing is a tool to help bond with baby whether that’s mom, dad, grandparent, sibling, caregiver, you name it. It eases some of the stresses of having a new baby and allows a parent (or whomever) to be more confident in their abilities. In my eyes, this is invaluable. Babies respond to physiological changes in the wearer, but also respond to facial expressions and touches that are so readily available when baby is ‘right there’ and the wearer can give these cues constantly when wearing baby. And the wearer can respond to the baby’s needs in an instant. If you have to go back to work relatively soon after the baby is born, babywearing allows you to reconnect after a long day while still allowing you to attend to the baby’s needs and the needs of the household. This applies to both parents. Babies really like to be on dad’s warm chest feeling the vibration of the adam’s apple.
  • No more Tummy Time – yup, you get as much if not more benefits while wearing the baby upright on your chest than if you do structured tummy time to strengthen the neck muscles. Babies learn quickly they can check out the whole wide world while being worn and they do. When they’re done, the tuck their little heads away & relax. Another self regulation technique learned.
  • As babies grow older you can keep them safer when you wear them whether that’s at the store, at a festival, big family functions, the farmer’s market, the airport or Aunt Madge who wears too much lipstick and too much perfume (you get what I mean). It also keeps older babies from being overwhelmed when presented with these situations.

I’m not sure she came out of the Moby Wrap for the first few months.  That’s how everyone expected to see her, in the wrap. It was a permanent fashion accessory for many, many months, if not the first year instead of the scarves etc. I wore before she was born. Yes, I still used my Maya Wrap as well. My husband discovered the Ergo when I started attending births again which he found to be an important tool because, like our first two, she also had severe separation anxiety. Babywearing didn’t alleviate all the anxiety, but it did help her to relax and helped my husband know she was ok & would calm her for a while.  I picked up a Hot Slings pouch, ok, 2. Both the sized and the adjustable. And this spring I picked up my first woven wrap, a NeoBulle while at the La Leche League conference in Paris. I told myself it was because I had forgotten any kind of babywearing device, which I had, but I’ll admit I really wanted a woven wrap too. I’m still getting the hang of back wrapping with the woven, but despite Little Miss Independence I keep trying to learn.

Please note that wearing your baby facing out on the front is generally considered unacceptable. Not only can your baby not self regulate outside stimulation, but it’s not good for their spinal and hip development. And if you’ve ever really looked at a baby facing out, they don’t look as comfortable as a baby facing in. It’s because they’re not, but they don’t always know that. It’s also not comfortable for the wearer. The alternative is to wear them on your back. It’s much healthier for them and for you.

Overall, it’s important to know what carrier is appropriate for your size and your baby’s size and age and it’s important to wear your baby safely. Know what babycarriers are safe to use. Anything that hides the baby’s head (not intentionally as with the hoods you can snap up) or you can’t adjust so you can kiss the baby’s head are usually not considered safe. I could write a whole post just on safety, but I’ll link you to a fantastic site that says it all instead. The Babywearer has a fantastic page on safety.

So if you haven’t tried it, but want to, try to find a babywearing or attachment parenting group in your area. If you can’t find that, check with local doulas, midwives, breastfeeding groups. At least one of them will know at least one person who is knowledgeable about babywearing. And there is a plethora of video clips online to walk you through wearing your baby, step by step.