Beau Choix

Happy Halloween!

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Being on call during a holiday can bring much stress to birth workers.  Especially one so fun as Halloween. Worrying about missing the holiday entirely are dwarfed by thoughts of whether or not we’ve prepared enough so the holiday can go on without us.

But these things pale when we’ve attended a birth that is absolutely transformative.  That’s what happened last year. In the wee hours of Halloween I received the call that it was time for me to go. It was Sunday morning, my husband was in Afghanistan, my childcare provider was MIA & not answering her phone, my backup plan (and dear friend) was getting ready to attend mass that was particularly special for her & so I went to another dear friend, my backup to the backup plan.  Already I’m stressed getting out the door. I still had an hour drive ahead of me, and I did remember my Halloween socks!

My childcare provider finally called as I was pulling up to momma’s door. A wash of relief allowed me to enter this birth cocoon with a different energy, not a suppressed worry.

While I won’t blog about the birth itself, I will tell you that followed was a birth so beautiful, so strong, so AMAZING. Watching this momma birth with such empowerment was a true gift. She pushed aside everything that could have derailed her amazing body and birthed her child as she intended. It was an incredible honor to be a part of this family’s special day. Births like hers are what we as birth workers strive to help our families attain.

I was on such an oxytocin rush that driving home felt like flying. In fact, I made it home in time to make chili for the building like I did every year and get my kiddles dressed to Trick or Treat. I was still able to have Halloween with my own children. It doesn’t always happen this way, but this time it did.

And wouldn’t you know that Halloween was this birthing momma’s favorite holiday? She’s cool like that.

 

PS – Did you notice that the blog has a new look? Ginormous Thank You to Chicken Scratch Studio (check her link on the side)! She’s my peep that keeps me looking so good. And she’s cool like that too! 😉

 

Babywearing is Freedom

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October 10-16 2011 is International Babywearing Week

“Don’t you ever put her down?”

How many of you have heard this ad nauseum?  My answer: “Why should I?”

A common assumption about babywearing is that you’ll spoil the baby because you don’t put the baby down. Or that you have no time to your self because you are always with the baby. Or that it’s too uncomfortable. Or that it’s too complicated. Or Or Or

How is it possible to spoil a baby when you are providing it’s most basic needs? Warmth, love, attention, food, safety. Even older babies, this is all they really want. How is cluttering up your house with every baby accoutrement ever made to put down this little being better than simply wearing your baby? They grow out of that stuff in a matter of months anyway. Consider this: would you be happier hanging out on a warm chest with rhythmic beats & waves looking around as you please, or would you rather be on a thin mat on the floor with a bunch of bright  colored things hanging over you? What is the environment this baby just left? A warm, wavy, rhythmic belly. It makes sense on a fundamental level.

Babywearing doesn’t tie you down. In fact, it frees you. You don’t need to lug a big stroller everywhere. It’s convenient to unsnap that car seat & just leave the baby in there, but you still have to carry that big honkin’ piece of plastic around, at least until you snap in a cart. But car seats are supposed to be for the car, not for all purpose use. Snap baby in the car seat, snap car seat in the stroller, snap car seat in on the cart, bring baby into the house, leave baby in the car seat while you do what you need to do. After a little practice you can just slip the baby from place to place into your baby carrier of choice without much fuss. You will be happier, your back will be happier, your baby will be happier, your car will have more room in the back of your vehicle.

Yes, your back will thank you. A proper wrap, sling or other carrier will distribute the weight evenly across your back & chest. Simple adjustments will help distribute the weight more evenly as the baby gets bigger. If the carrier isn’t comfortable it’s either on incorrectly or it’s made poorly.

You can breastfeed on the go, easy peasy. And, if you think you need to feed with a cover, most carriers offer a fair amount if not as much privacy as a cover would with even more discretion. There’s no big cover over you saying, “Hey! Breastfeeding here, Don’t peek!” You simply make a few adjustments et voila! instant discrete, hands free (did I mention hands free) breastfeeding!

If you’re like me and single parent on a regular basis, babywearing becomes the literal fabric of life. I am a military spouse. My husband just spent the last year in the Middle East, again. Once again we were living in Germany. The baby was 8 months old when he left this time. I have 2 older children. How did I get anything done? Babywearing. Not just me but the older children took the opportunity to learn that they could wear their sister too. Did this save my sanity on a daily basis? You bet it did. I took her everywhere, prenatal & postnatal visits, breastfeeding visits, support groups, shopping, big kids’ activities, teaching comfort measures, doctors’ appointments, she was the perfect prop to teach babywearing in the breastfeeding class, I took her everywhere except to the births I attended.

Babies grow up soon enough. They all find their independence. Keep them close while you can, it’s for a shorter time that you can ever imagine. Let babywearing free you.

Do you Babywear?

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It’s International Babywearing Week!

I can’t imagine my life as a mom without babywearing.

I had the WORST carriers with my first daughter in 2000.  Awful. I tried to make them work. I really did. But I didn’t know anyone else who used them or who I could ask about them so quietly they went away.  I knew they were good & I know other people had made them work, but I had the wrong ones. Cheaply made bought from big box stores. W-R-O-N-G, just wrong.

In 2002 I bought a Maya Wrap  sling from my doula and boy what a difference! I used it from day one & didn’t stop until my son was 3 1/2. He was a big ‘ole chunk of a kiddo too! I learned to breastfeed hands free in that sling & it saved me! My favorite story to tell is we were living in Europe & went to Rome one spring. My son spiked a fever & vomited the night before we left. We decided to still go & if I only saw Rome from the hotel room, so be it. It was the only time we had to go. I thought to pack the MayaWrap in the bottom of my backpack. While he did ok, he did need to sleep while he spiked another fever as we toured the Vatican. He slept, all 3 1/2 years & 30+ pounds of him, on my chest for several hours while we walked the tour in that sling. It is my pride & joy & I will never part with that sling. I bought a solarveil sling too. I was hooked.  I even started making my own slings. Babywearer for life!

As a doula I was exposed to the many new carriers available as my clients had more & more babies. And I began to collect them.  I bought an Ergo Organic that sat in the closet for many years waiting for a new addition or for me to start teaching classes. In 2009 our 3rd baby was born a tiny peanut, all 2160 grams of her. I started wearing her while we were in the KinderKlinik (NICU) in my new Moby Wrap. I knew all the benefits of kangaroo care and babywearing & used every one of them to get us out of the Klinik. These benefits include, but are not limited to:

  • Better self regulation of baby’s body temperature, respiratory rate & heart rate – overall healthier babies, this is especially important if your baby has any health problems, prematurity or is small at birth. Simply wearing your baby does things that no machine or medicine can regulate quite like it in most cases.
  • Happier babies – Humans are not self sufficient at birth. This is one of the reasons babies like to be held. They know where they are safe & warm & near their food supply & don’t like to be separated from it. This is why babywearing is so great during the newborn period. Babies cry less when worn. The baby can be where they want to be the caregiver can still have hands free to continue doing what they need to. So instead of putting that baby down, place your baby where they want to be, right on your chest.
  • Happier more confident parents – Babywearing is a tool to help bond with baby whether that’s mom, dad, grandparent, sibling, caregiver, you name it. It eases some of the stresses of having a new baby and allows a parent (or whomever) to be more confident in their abilities. In my eyes, this is invaluable. Babies respond to physiological changes in the wearer, but also respond to facial expressions and touches that are so readily available when baby is ‘right there’ and the wearer can give these cues constantly when wearing baby. And the wearer can respond to the baby’s needs in an instant. If you have to go back to work relatively soon after the baby is born, babywearing allows you to reconnect after a long day while still allowing you to attend to the baby’s needs and the needs of the household. This applies to both parents. Babies really like to be on dad’s warm chest feeling the vibration of the adam’s apple.
  • No more Tummy Time – yup, you get as much if not more benefits while wearing the baby upright on your chest than if you do structured tummy time to strengthen the neck muscles. Babies learn quickly they can check out the whole wide world while being worn and they do. When they’re done, the tuck their little heads away & relax. Another self regulation technique learned.
  • As babies grow older you can keep them safer when you wear them whether that’s at the store, at a festival, big family functions, the farmer’s market, the airport or Aunt Madge who wears too much lipstick and too much perfume (you get what I mean). It also keeps older babies from being overwhelmed when presented with these situations.

I’m not sure she came out of the Moby Wrap for the first few months.  That’s how everyone expected to see her, in the wrap. It was a permanent fashion accessory for many, many months, if not the first year instead of the scarves etc. I wore before she was born. Yes, I still used my Maya Wrap as well. My husband discovered the Ergo when I started attending births again which he found to be an important tool because, like our first two, she also had severe separation anxiety. Babywearing didn’t alleviate all the anxiety, but it did help her to relax and helped my husband know she was ok & would calm her for a while.  I picked up a Hot Slings pouch, ok, 2. Both the sized and the adjustable. And this spring I picked up my first woven wrap, a NeoBulle while at the La Leche League conference in Paris. I told myself it was because I had forgotten any kind of babywearing device, which I had, but I’ll admit I really wanted a woven wrap too. I’m still getting the hang of back wrapping with the woven, but despite Little Miss Independence I keep trying to learn.

Please note that wearing your baby facing out on the front is generally considered unacceptable. Not only can your baby not self regulate outside stimulation, but it’s not good for their spinal and hip development. And if you’ve ever really looked at a baby facing out, they don’t look as comfortable as a baby facing in. It’s because they’re not, but they don’t always know that. It’s also not comfortable for the wearer. The alternative is to wear them on your back. It’s much healthier for them and for you.

Overall, it’s important to know what carrier is appropriate for your size and your baby’s size and age and it’s important to wear your baby safely. Know what babycarriers are safe to use. Anything that hides the baby’s head (not intentionally as with the hoods you can snap up) or you can’t adjust so you can kiss the baby’s head are usually not considered safe. I could write a whole post just on safety, but I’ll link you to a fantastic site that says it all instead. The Babywearer has a fantastic page on safety.

So if you haven’t tried it, but want to, try to find a babywearing or attachment parenting group in your area. If you can’t find that, check with local doulas, midwives, breastfeeding groups. At least one of them will know at least one person who is knowledgeable about babywearing. And there is a plethora of video clips online to walk you through wearing your baby, step by step.

Starting Out, Starting Over

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It’s not always easy when you’re just getting started regardless of your chosen vocation. It can be just as bumpy to start over whether it’s a new job, a relocation, a change in your family situation or the result of a break in time be it intended or not. I’ve done all of these in the short 4+ years since becoming a doula. I’ve moved across the Atlantic, twice, weathered the complete upheaval to the maternity care of the women I was attending, had an entire year without one single client following a very busy year, given birth to a 3rd child & was a single parent for almost 2 years while my husband was out of the country. In that time I’ve still managed to attend 19 births.

I’m always mindful of stepping on toes when I’m faced with these changing situations. I’m not as outgoing as I am, say, socially-tending to hang back a bit & assess what is going on. Find out where I fit best. Many new birth pros want to jump in with both feet & are discouraged when throngs of new parents aren’t knocking down their door. This excitement is inevitable, but so many with great potential crash & burn out this way.

Birthing a business is very much like birth itself. After a lot of research about the options in your community, there’s often a period of sitting back to wait & watch. When faced with starting out or a big change it’s a great time to work on the little things. Things like tweak your website, delve into a blog or a piece of social media you haven’t tried yet, network with other birth pros and other related fields, expand your services, take a class, go to a conference, read some new books, whatever. I’m not saying don’t get out there & look for clients, but what I am saying is be easy on yourself. Birth work is exhausting, physically & mentally. Don’t exhaust yourself looking to fill up every free spot on your calender. It’s not important to have a full schedule from the get-go. As you get to know your community, they will get to know you. One call will turn into 2 & a referral & pretty soon you’ll wonder why you ever worried about finding clients.

9-11

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I debated whether or not to blog about this day, but it’s a part of who I am as a doula.

We left Northern Virginia, where we lived just a few miles from the Pentagon, one month and one day before the attacks.  We, like so many others, watched in horror as the day unfolded. The days turned into weeks and months. We waited as the days went on, wondering if we would get the phone call recalling my husband from his graduate studies back to “real” active duty. But the months passed and slowly we let out our collective breath.

And then our follow on assignment came taking us to Germany. As the details were sent, our fears came true and we learned that almost as soon as we arrived, my husband would be heading to the Middle East.  And so there I was, in a new country living in my Germany community with two small children, alone.

I was a part of several online communities with other women who were also military spouses. I read story after story of women delivering babies alone, parenting alone.  The stories that touched me the deepest were moms like me, across an ocean from the people wanted to be with during such a transformational period. I read about Operation Special Delivery & thought that this was something I needed to be doing.

After my husband returned from his deployment we were told we’d be returning to the States. It was then I decided I would train to be a doula. Yes, part of my decision was my own birth history, but it was the women who were keeping the home fires burning thousands of miles from what they considered home who were my biggest motivation.  We returned yet again to Germany months after my training & the one birth I managed to put under my belt and I hit the ground running.

My husband has just returned from yet another deployment to the Middle East. I’ve spent the last year attending births, leading breastfeeding support groups & teaching new parents while trying to balance being a single homeschooling mom of 3 while being overseas.  It has been one of the most difficult years of my life. But I wouldn’t change it. It’s times like these that challenge me, that cement the woman I’ve become.

Now we’ve returned to Virginia, to the same area we left 10 years ago. It’s very surreal to be here to mark this anniversary under these circumstances.

The wars that have ensued from 9-11 are the longest in US history and show no sign of ending any time soon. That’s a lot of women birthing alone.  No one should birth alone. This is my motivation.

A doula for every woman.

Growth

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I remember being invited to be read a client’s birth story for the first time. I was anxious to pour over it & read how much she loved me being her doula and about all the things I was able to do for her.

And then there it was.

One measly little line-something about, “Our doula was there.” I was crestfallen.

No triumphant entry of the doula. No trumpet fanfare.  No confetti. No popping of champagne corks. No, “We couldn’t have done it without her.” Nada.

I thought, What the hell? What am I, chopped liver?

Well, no. I know just how much they appreciated me being there. To this day I know what part I played in their birth and every other birth I’ve attended.

But it’s not about me, the doula. In fact, probably one of the biggest compliments I can be given is to not be in that birth story AT ALL. This means that the parents felt like players in their own birth. Truly empowered. This is the way it should be.

When a doula can realize this, she has grown. For me it was a huge growth spurt.